End of Term

11-year old daughter Margot, leaving junior school forever today, announces at 8.15am that she must immediately be provided with 4 presents for Form Teacher, Maths teacher, Deputy Head (who retires today) and Headteacher. Competent Yummy Mummy would have done pre-emptive shopping trip for cheap and cheerful chocs. Not me though.

Frantic rummage of presents drawer reveals possible options as;
1. tin of Werther's Originals, sell-by-date August 2006
2. bashed up box of lavender soaps, circa 1995
3. mug bearing mantra, 'without stress my life would be empty'
4. a boomerang

Werther's Originals become stealthily stripped of their sell-by-date label, gold ribbon attached over ripped patch and labelled for Mr Shelton, beloved and esteemed maths teacher. One present down, three to go.

Lavender soap removed from packaging, reveals two soaps - hoorah! Repackaged in separate gift bags, addition of gold ribbon. Nearly there.

Daren't give comedy mug to Mrs Jones as I previous caused Margot to be appalled and ashamed of me when I sent a message to Mrs Jones, inadvertently written on the reverse of a card which boldly stated 'An ugly man with no money might as well cut off his penis!'.

Which leaves the boomerang. Mrs Jones is not the boomerang type.

Stress levels rising now with school run imminent.

Last-minute trawl in bathroom cabinet brings to light an unopened tube of my favourite Angel body lotion. Loath to give it Mrs Jones as £23 is OTT for teacher pressie, especially as she'll never teach Margot again so it won't count as incentive/bribe promoting Margot's chances of prime role in school play.

Grudgingly add gold ribbon and warmest message of thanks.